Forever
by Faceless Charmer
Summary: Suoh has to come to terms with the fact that perhaps, it is not Nagisa he plans to stay forever with. MxM.


_Next on my: Write a fanfiction for every Clamp manga you've read is Clamp School Detectives!_

 _I feel like CSD doesn't get as much love as it should. It's actually probably one of my favorite Clamp works, with Tsubasa being first, and probably X being second._

 _This is an MxM story, so be forewarned._

 _ **Disclaimer-** I am obviously not CLAMP, and obviously don't own this._

Forever

Suoh, now in his second year of high school, thought his life was going well. Every day was filled with the same shenanigans that had plagued him since the moment he met Nokoru, but he was used to them by now, and, if completely honest, he even enjoyed some of them.

This year in particular was shaping up to be a good one, because Akira was now in his first year of high school, and the three of them were together again. That wasn't to say they didn't hang out all the time even when they were separated by grades. When Nokoru had moved up to his first year in junior high, and high school, leaving Suoh briefly alone during the school hours, he'd made up for it by spending almost every minute with him after class had ended. He'd even sneak away from classes now and again, so that he could check on the blonde boy.

And Akira was their best friend, and the three of them had stayed close. But it was nice to all be in the same area again, it made things much easier on them.

Things with Nagisa were going well too. They'd stayed together all this time, and Suoh enjoyed their time together. Their dates were spent walking together, sometimes hand in hand, and that honestly felt like enough for Suoh. He wasn't the kind of guy who needed kisses or other physical contact.

At least, that's what he thought.

But then, one night, he had a dream. And in it, he and Nagisa were walking hand in hand, across a bridge. Suddenly, Nagisa's hand was somebody else's. He knew right away, even though he wasn't looking, because it felt bigger, and a little stronger, and there was a different smell in the air. Nagisa always smelled like Sakura blossoms, but now, the air around him smelled strongly of a different scent. A scent he'd come to know very well throughout the years. It was a smell of pine, and rich lotions, but mixed with natural boy smell.

It was Nokoru's smell.

Suoh followed the hand he was holding up to the person it was attached too, and like he'd suspected, he was soon gazing into Nokoru's blue eyes. His closest and truest friend smiled at him, and in the dream, Suoh felt his heart pound.

Then, both he and Nokoru were leaning forward, and their lips were touching.

It was at that moment that Suoh woke up. The sun was trickling in through the windows, and he had a feeling it was almost time to get up for school anyway. As he got ready, he tried to think about the dream, but every time he started too, his heart would start to thump again, and he'd blush. Finally, after he'd taken a shower, he was able to calm himself down enough to ask himself some questions.

 _Why did I have that dream? Does it mean anything? But it...couldn't._

Because he loved Nagisa.

Didn't he?

As he walked to school, he answered the question as truthfully as he could manage. He did love Nagisa. But sometimes, he wondered if it was the kind of love you'd feel towards a sister. Since he didn't have a little sister, he didn't know.

Had the dream meant he didn't love Nagisa? Or did it mean he _did_ love Nokoru?

Which was it?

Walking into the student council room, Suoh was surprised to find Nokoru already there. Usually, the blonde had to make his way through hundreds of fans, all wanting to talk, and take pictures of him. This hadn't changed either. It especially hadn't changed now that Nokoru was taller, hair even more golden, smile growing brighter with each year of life.

"Good morning Suoh." Nokoru said, turning to him, and smiling directly at him. And Suoh, despite spending the entire walk there trying to convince himself he loved Nagisa, and _not_ Nokoru, felt his heart jump in his chest. He'd felt it before, but it was always at moments where Nokoru had been exceptionally amazing, wonderfully brave, or insanely kind. So Suoh had always assumed his heart jumps had just been because he was being moved by his oldest, most cherished friend.

But Nokoru, at this moment, hadn't been doing anything overly amazing. He had simply smiled. And Suoh's heart had jumped anyway.

What did it mean?

"Suoh, are you alright?" Nokoru asked, concerned by Suoh's ongoing silence and heavily thoughtful expression.

"Uh...Yes."

He said it with such hesitation that Nokoru cocked his head, which made him look like an adorable puppy. "Are you sure?"

Suoh tried to sound more sure this time, nodding, and heading over to his own desk. "Yes. I'm just a little tired. I...had a weird dream, so I didn't get as much sleep."

"Oh. Well, if you like, you can take a nap under my desk." Nokoru said. "My blanket and pillow are down there and everything."

Suoh turned to his friend, lifting an eyebrow, and Nokoru simply pulled out one of his fans, spread across his face, and laughed, as he turned to look out the window.

"Are you not planning on getting anything done today?"

"I will Suoh! But it's such a nice day that-"

"That you thought you'd take a nap under your desk?"

Nokoru laughed again, not answering, and just continuing to look out the window for a few more minutes. Suoh used the opportunity to get his heart back under control, and set to signing papers, setting aside ones that would need Nokoru's signature instead of his.

Akira arrived a few minutes later, carrying some sweets he planned to share.

After about an hour, though, Akira suddenly stood up. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" Nokoru asked casually, and Akira smiled, chuckling. "Utako-chan and I were planning on meeting up for just a little bit."

"Oh, okay. Have fun." Nokoru said, and Akira left, smiling brightly. Suoh thought of Akira and Utako, who were clearly in love. Akira went to see her every chance he got, and the whole time they were together, they held hands, and Suoh had even seen them kiss.

Suoh could count the number of times he'd kissed Nagisa on his hands. Sure, he'd need both, but that was still no match for Akira, who he'd seen kiss Utako at least ten times. And that was just what Suoh himself had managed to witness.

How Akira felt about Utako was how he should have felt about Nagisa. He should have wanted to see her (I) every chance he got, not Nokoru. Nokoru was the one he thought about constantly, the one he wanted to see at all times. He should want to hold her hand all the time, and kiss her way more than he did.

Thinking of all that, wasn't his question answered?

Wasn't it...Nokoru he loved?

Suoh jumped up, knocking a few papers to the floor, and Nokoru looked over in alarm, having been caught off guard. "Suoh? Is something wrong?"

"Uh...um…" Suoh looked around, not sure if he wanted to meet Nokoru's eyes. This couldn't be. All this time, he'd been believed, been sure that Nagisa was the one he loved. But…

Had he really?

In the back of his mind, in the depths of his soul, Suoh could admit, to himself, that he'd pictured it before, he and Nokoru, and that he shoved it aside time and again, because there was no way that Nokoru, bachelor extrodanaire, and his dear friend, liked him that way.

"Suoh?"

Suddenly, Nokoru was standing much closer to him, looking up at him worriedly, and touching the side of his face gently. "You're kind of warm. Do you have a fever?"

The touch of his hand only made it worse, and Suoh jerked back, only worrying Nokoru more.

"Are you okay?"

He wasn't okay. He couldn't be. Because he, at this moment, was imagining putting his hands on Nokoru's shoulders, leaning down, and pressing their lips together.

Nokoru blinked up at him innocently, blue eyes heavy with worry for Suoh.

"Sorry Senpai...but I have to...I have to go." he said, and ran out of the room, without looking back, slamming the door shut behind him and ignoring Nokoru's voice shouting after him.

He ran blindly, trying not to think, to think about where he was going, what he'd been thinking, and trying mostly not to think about Nokoru.

Suddenly, he found himself slamming into someone, two someones actually, because two people gasped in surpise, and two people fell to the ground with him.

"I'm sorry." he was saying automatically as he stood up. "I was in a hurry. I'm sorry."

"Takamura-senpai?"

Suoh looked up, and looked into the eyes of Akira and Utako.

"Ijuyin. Sorry. I was just...I just…"

"Were you running from something, Takamura-senpai?"

"N-no. Not really."

"Are you sure?" Utako asked, and the way she looked at him, it was almost like she knew. Did she know? Did she have suspicions? And if she did, had she shared them with Nagisa? His thoughts were spiraling out of control quickly.

"A-Akira, can I talk to you?"

"Of course." Akira said, and he turned to Utako. "I'll be right."

"Of course." she said with a charming smile. "I'll wait over here." she excused herself, and walked a few steps away, sitting down on a bench and waiting patiently.

The two boys went a few feet further, and Akira looked at Suoh worriedly. "So, what's wrong?"

"H...how do you...how do you know that Utako is the one you love? That she's the one you want to marry? And what if...what if…" his words came pouring out, and he couldn't stop them, even though he didn't want anyone to know, had never wanted anyone to find out the things he was secretly thinking.

"What if?" Akira prompted.

"What if you think...you love someone else?"

Akira was silent for a few seconds, looking at Suoh closely. Was he disgusted with him? Did he think he was a horrible person? But he knew that wasn't the truth. Akira could never think like that.

So Suoh tried not to be surprised when Akira smiled, but he couldn't help it.

"I know something you can do, to know if it's Nagisa-jo that you truly love."

"What?" Suoh asked, desperate for anything that would help him. Akira smaller hand was suddenly covering his eyes, and his friend said, "Shut your eyes."

Suoh did, and he felt the hand move off of him.

"Picture your life, Takamura-senpai. Picture your future."

Suoh did as instructed, picturing what he thought, _knew,_ his future would be. He imagined himself standing at Nokoru's side, the same way he did now, because he was the one Suoh had chosen to protect, and that was what he would do until the day he'd die. Nokoru was The One that he had chosen.

"Picture there's someone with you. Someone by your side the whole time."

Apparently he was already ahead of the program. But since he didn't mind, Suoh continued. He pictured he and Nokoru, and of course, sometimes Akira, going on adventures that others could only dream of. Because he was a realistic person, he also pictured saving Nokoru from kidnappers, who wanted him for his mind or his money.

"Picture that someone that you want to be with forever."

He did. Nokoru's bright smile filled his mind, golden hair shining, blue eyes filled with excitement at the prospect of adventure and fun.

Akira's voice penetrated through his thoughts.

"Are you picturing Nagisa-jo, Takamura-senpai?"

He opened his eyes, the air leaving him in a whoosh. Akira watched him, giving him a sympathetic smile, waiting for an answer.

"No." he whispered guiltily, and Akira nodded.

"Then I think we have our answer."

He nodded, and looked around him, taking in the same school, same places, same scenes that he had for almost as long as he could remember. But, for the first time, they all looked...different. His eyes went to were Utako had been sitting, but to his surprise she was no longer there. In fact, she was standing much closer, close enough to hear everything they had said.

And, standing next to her, looking right at him, was Nagisa.

"N-Nagisa!" he gasped, and he instinctively started backing away, with the intent of running. But she, for the first and what would probably be the only time in her life, was faster, reaching out and grabbing Suoh by the arm.

"Suoh-san." she said gently, and then she gave him the most forgiving smile he'd ever seen. "It's alright." she whispered. "I knew. I knew it wasn't me."

"You...you knew…" he repeated softly, and she nodded, a few tears sliding down her face. As a result, tears of his own made their way down his face.

"And it's alright. I want you to know it's alright. I'm not mad. And I just want you to be happy."

He held back more tears, and held her hands in his. "I want you to be happy too. I'm so sorry. That I made you...that I held onto you this long…"

"I'm not." she responded, and she pulled him into a hug. "I'm not sorry. Besides, I should have told you long ago that I suspected this. I'm sorry for keeping you trapped."

He shook his head. "I wasn't trapped. I really had fun."

"Me too." she sniffled out, and they hugged again. When they pulled apart, she smiled, brushing away her tears with dainty hand he'd been holding all these years.

"You should go find him." she whispered, once again surprising him. How did she know? Then again, everyone probably knew.

"I will." he said, and he did, turning and running back toward the student council room, heart pounding. Yesterday, everything had been so different. Or, more accurately, the same as always. But now...now he knew what he wanted.

What he wanted to hold onto forever.

He opened the door to the student council room, looking around, but it was empty. Nokoru wasn't there. Where had he gone?

"Suoh! There you are!" The voice was coming from the hall, and Suoh glanced over, and saw Nokoru running toward him.

"Where did you go? Why did you run off like that? You really freaked me out!"

"I'm sorry." he said, smiling as Nokoru came closer. His blonde friend, after seeing the smile, seemed to calm down, and smiled back, hitting him gently on the arm.

"What made you freak out like that?"

"I just…" he paused, and looked again at Nokoru, who looked up at him expectantly.

"I have something that I really need to tell you."

* * *

 _Don't worry, it went well, of course._

 _Thanks for reading!_


End file.
